100 Rules for College: As Written by a BYU Freshman

With the semester almost gone, and with Finals upon us, I feel like writing down 100 rules for college life based on my experience so far. They are as follows, and are written down in the order they came into my head:

1. Hot Pockets are not your friends.
2. Cannon Center Omelettes are not your friends either.
3. I wouldn't trust the Lean Cuisines from the vending machines either...
4. Always check your weekend plans before agreeing to a date.
5. Be sure you have a friend who could be a second choice for the girl if you fail to comply with Rule 4.
6. Never bet college students food, you will lose.
7. Always check your evening plans before heading out on the town, or else you will be late for work.
8. Do not use chopsticks as Walrus Tusks.
9. Classes at 9 am are early
10. Classes at 8 am are even earlier.
11. If you do not strap your keys to your pants you will lose them.
12. Check everyone's major before you make a joke about Art History majors, there are more of them than you expect.
13. Get to know the library computers. In the case that your laptop kills itself then you will need to beg for mercy at the feet of the library computers.
14. Karaoke Night is always an option.
15. Do not let Netflix steal sleep, you will regret it in the morning.
16. Bring your Student ID EVERYWHERE, no exceptions.
17. It is okay to assume a false identity, so long as you never intend to see that person again.
18. Guard your floor's shower curtains with your life.
19. All noises outside your door after 10 pm must be inspected.
20. Leave neither your keys nor your wallet in your friend's car. For reason refer to Rule 21.
21. Everybody talks. 
22. If your friend learns the unlock pattern to their phone, be sure you learn theirs.
23. Do not under any circumstances attempt to push your friends into a hot tub. Bad idea. He will take you down with him.
24. If you take Accounting and Finance concurrently, be prepared for overlap.
25. It is most of the times, okay to be impish.
26. Be scarce when cleaning checks come around
27. Never reveal where the good WiFi is in the building.
28. If your friend who is female (specifically NOT a girlfriend) starts talking to your friends back home, they will like her more than you.
29. Never ask your profesor if they are purposefully dressed like a pirate.
30. Lock up your food.
31. Develop a simple, non-verbal code with your roommate to communicate simple messages secretly.
32. Make friends with someone who has a car.
33. Keep your journal far away from anyone else.
34. If you are in a Long Distance Relationship never lose hope or faith. The distance will make the reunion that much better.
35. Keep all containers.
36. Invest in good air fresheners.
37. Legal pads are superior writing pads.
38. Always have a good hiding spot in your room you can quickly get into.
39. If possible, sleep away from the door and near the window. This puts optimal distance (and your roommate) between yourself and any potential axe murderers. Additionally it places you near a convenient escape route.
40. Within your room establish territory and zones of neutrality. This is important in establishing dorm room hierarchical social structures.
41. Always look presentable when exiting your room. Through this means attempt to discover the social structure of the floor and ensure you do not find yourself low on the pecking order. 
42. Never leave your clothes unattended in the laundry room. They will be stolen and you will be sad.
43. Establish a good relationship with  your roommate, you'll need each others' backs.
44. Man does not live by Pop-Tarts and Ramen alone.
45. Nevertheless, Pop-Tarts and Ramen provide a sufficient food source for late night studying.
46. Determine what items and foodstuffs are held in common for your room.
47. Apparently watching Netflix in the lobby causes Copyright Law issues. I wouldn't know from experience, a friend told me once.
48. Be sure to get out of the room occasionally. 
49. Watch the clock, it runs faster than college students at the mention of free food.
50. If you spend all your time looking in the mirror you'll go mad. Be someone else's mirror and help them see their good traits.
51. Admire yourself in the mirror from time to time nevertheless.
52. Never under any circumstances sound like Jaden Smith in word, text, or Morse.
53. Shave often.
54. Have a regular weekly activity to distract yourself with.
55. After doing your laundry, ensure your roommate does his.
56. Don't talk about Fight Club.
57. If you are the Potato Fiend, do not get caught. 
58. If you are not the Potato Fiend you must protect the Potato Fiend.
59. When asked who is the Potato Fiend, all present must defend him like he is Spartacus, by standing and saying "I am the Potato Fiend".
60. Many may act, but there is only one original.
61. Never lose hope.
62. Keep in touch with those you love, make sure they know you love them.
63. All Hail the Glow Cloud. All Hail.
64. Puppies solve many problems.
65. Corgis heal most wounds. 
66. Never leave home without your iClicker.
67. Do not mix up Debits and Credits.
68. Find a source of income that is both legal and steady.
69. Get a good pen and guard it with your life.
70. Never let an idea go, so you can make beautiful things like this list.
71. There is no shame in getting lost in a maze of recycling blocks. 
72. There is also no shame in getting scared out of your mind in said maze.
73. Establish a common meeting spot.
74. Always have a back-up. 
75. Learn to identify crossdressing Hebrew Nouns.
76. If you are able to, anything said in semaphore is acceptable.
77. Leave early when playing Humans vs. Zombies.
78. Pack all you'll need for the day when playing Humans vs. Zombies.
79. Watch Odd Thomas.
80. Your laptop is your most valuable tool, protect it. 
81. Arrange proper viewing schedules for your television shows.
82. Do not forget why you are at college.
83. When in character, stay in character.
84. If you sing poorly at karaoke, do not worry, it's just karaoke.
85. Attend Karaoke night at your own risk, many believe they can rap. They cannot.
86. Karaoke Duets are always more fun.
87. Should you attend a Murder Mystery, review the laws concerning your profession so as to not accidentally admit to committing a white collar crime.
88. Be graceful in all you do.
89. Do not listen to sad music when you are feeling sad. I recommend instead Awesome Mix Vol. 1.
90. Always think before referencing pop culture.
91. Do not do laundry on the weekends, the machines will always be occupied.
92. Always check your pockets before doing laundry, you will lose your earbuds.
93. Do not let your fears get the best of you.
94. Never offend, neither purposefully nor accidentally.
95. Always look around.
96. Check your mail everyday. This will ensure you never get anything but junk mail. But the moment you stop checking your mail is when you will get a bill in the mail.
97. Network with other students.
98. Ignore Rule 17. It's just a bad idea.
99. You will say "Finals are upon us" before you realize it.
100. When jumping is the only option you have, you jump and try to make it work.